Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are
Seemingly Commonplace, Coming Out of the Proverbial Closet Not Easy
Sep 11, 2009
There is no step by step manual, no 'Coming Out for Dummies' book that makes the process of revealing your sexuality to others easy or straightforward. Some may say just do it, like pulling off a bandaid. But just like exposing a wound before it's healed, coming out when you are not ready does not do any good.
Sexuality is a very personal issue. The route to coming out varies from person to person and for some, the time may never be right. And that would be a shame because coming out, revealing your true self to the world will likely be the most empowering and liberating act of your life.
Many considerations factor into the decision making process. Among those considerations are age, locale, familial background and religious background.
AgeMany teenagers who have accepted themselves as lesbians may not want to come out while still living at home. There may be a fear of how parents will react: Will they evict me? Will they still support/pay for my higher education? Will my siblings accept me? So as a younger person, there are a number of stressors, piled on top of what is already a life altering realization. It helps tremendously to have a support network in place. This is true at any age, and accessing supports very much depends on your location.
Support NetworkIf you have a close friend or a sibling that you can tell first, who you know will accept you, then it can fortify you for what lies ahead. More and more schools have a gay-straight alliance group to provide information and support for students coming out and for straight students to learn more about homophobia and sexual orientation.
Some rural schools may not have gay-straight alliances set up. In rural areas, there may not be support groups for lesbians or places where lesbians can get together without fear. There are likely less out lesbians to act as role models for those that follow. The internet then becomes an excellent resource to seek out groups where lesbians can join discussions, find information and freely explore their sexuality. It is also a forum where you can be anonymous if you choose. Coming out online, especially in a country where being out can literally be a death sentence, has grown in popularity but nothing can really replace the face to face interaction with others going through the same experience as you.
Seek out groups in your area, perhaps in neighbouring towns if being open in your locale is not an option, because reaching out to like-minded people alleviates a lot of the fear factor.
Familial/Religious Background
Growing up in a home where gay slurs were bandied about or church attendance where the lesbian 'lifestyle' was condemned is not conducive to coming out. The fear of being open about your sexual orientation heightens and the likelihood of ostracization becomes very real. Often many find it easier to leave home and learn to become truly comfortable in their own skin before outing themselves to family. Some never do and choose to live a life of secrecy. The religious dogma repeatedly heard through childhood cannot easily be shaken off. And it is truly understandable. Living openly as a lesbian becomes confined to their life away from the family abode.
If family members are receptive to your disclosure, and even if initially they are not, PFLAG is an excellent organization for family members to get in touch with.
If the spirit can be fortified and the fall-back supports are in place just in case, there is no greater liberating, soul-uplifting experience than revealing your true self to those who should accept you for exactly who you are. Coming out is a risk, whether at work, school or home. The risk is worth it, regardless of the reaction of others, because in the end, being true to yourself is what living is all about.
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